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Spot The Loony
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Spot The Loony!
Malcolm Bowden 3116, William Malcolm Bowden 3116, William Malcolm
This page is dedicated to one
of our greatest fans William Malcolm Bodwen, ex Police sergeant
3116 West Midlands Police, although anyone with a knowledge of
police codes would know that
"5150" would be much more
He embarked on a personal
"crusade" against the LPWS that involved assaults, and we are
informed, criminal damage, misuse of the PNC, and technically
"impersonating a Police Officer" by wearing his uniform in
public whilst suspended. Several complaints were made against
him, in fact at least 2 of our members were interviewed as witnesses
to at least two of the
assaults, by The West Midlands Police Complaints and Internal
Discipline Department, (one was secretly videoed), he was
eventually retired "on medical grounds".
Why is "Wicked"
Willy Bodwen like a
SLINKY ? Answer at the bottom of the page!
This has been one of our consistently most
popular pages, so it has been retained in slightly modified form. Golf
- Zero - Mike - Alpha - Loony!
many years this man thought he was a CYCLE PATH after mishearing the
He can light
up a room, just by moving away from the window..............
When he was 8, he took an apple tart to
Airdrie, Swindon, and Reading after he thought his maths teacher had
told him to "take pie to 3 dismal places".
Definition COUNTRYSIDE = The Killing of WM
"Malcolm, come on down!"
After listening to,
and digesting these conversations, you may well wonder how someone
so obviously demented, could ever be employed as a British police
officer (even for West Midlands Police), let alone attain the rank
of a Sergeant!
Thanks to the LPWS, the local Midlands population is now protected
from this self confessed loony as he has been "Retired" on medical
grounds. (Anyone in the know will recognise this as internal slang
for being sacked but retaining the pension).
By un-popular demand, the man with a face like a
bulldog licking piss off a thistle! - so ugly, that when he looks in a mirror, his reflection ducks!
No it’s not
the late Geoffrey Hughes (pictured RIP 27.7.2012), better known as Eddie Yeates
from Coronation Street, and it’s not Onslow from 'Keeping Up Appearances', it is
allegedly a radio amateur! Notice the mad, staring eyes, and questionable
basic personal hygiene, and the radio ham haircut! This is but one example of a
mad radio amateur, but we can assure you that there are many more. Some look
as if they have just fallen off a cathedral, and others have faces that have worn
out three bodies!
We are told that his entire working career was
spent "in the shit", his day to day activities just varying the depth.
The man Bodwen used to be a Sergeant in the West Midlands Police,
reported in the 1990s to be "the most corrupt Police Force in the United Kingdom". He is no longer a
serving police officer, the exact reasons are not specifically known, but
it is a fact that after being faced with demotion or early retirement, the
latter was chosen.
He was allegedly involved in many questionable activities including :-
Misuse of the Police National Computer.
Damaging private property.
Causing a disturbance.
Assaults on at least 2
different LPWS members! (possibly 3)
Walking around with an offensive wife.
Threatening to use
"underworld" connections to arrange the theft of LPWS members'
He remained a police officer until
West Midlands Police rationalised their policing policy, and decided to
employ someone more rational.
We have also been informed that he was reprimanded for “impersonating a
police officer” by wearing his uniform in public whilst on suspension from duty,
although this still remains unsubstantiated, it would appear to be "true to
form", so probably quite true.
Reports are reaching us that he visited
a mind reader who promptly offered him a 50% discount.
The Pope decided to visit the UK and
after meeting the Queen, The Archbishop Of Canterbury and the
heads of the Roman Catholic church in the UK, he found he had a
few days to spare, so he decided to visit the cathedrals of
His driver was waiting to take him there, but the Pope was tired
of being driven about everywhere in the Popemobile, he said to
his driver "I'll take the wheel today, you sit in the back". So
off they went, and eventually got to Spaghetti Junction, where
they were spotted by the "eagle eyed" Bodwen, dong 84mph. Blue
lights flashing, he pulled them over to the hard shoulder and
came round to tap the driver's window.
Looking in, he saw the Pope, and
being on several disciplinary reports and the subject of several
public complaints, Bodwen was under orders not to cause the
force any more embarrassment. "Just wait there for a moment sir"
he said, and got on the radio "3116 Bodwen, I need the Chief
Constable urgently". After a few minutes he came on, "What the
hell have you done now Bodwen?" he bellowed. "I have a situation
sir, I have stopped a VIP for speeding, I need advice" The Chief
Constable rolled his eyes and asked "How important is he?",
"Very important Sir", "As important as me?" the Chief Constable
asked, "Oh yes sir" replied Bodwen, "As important as an MP?",
"More important than that sir" Bodwen replied. Getting
exasperated, the Chief Constable asked "Well is he as important
as the Prime Minister?" "Yes sir, I think he is" Fearing another
PR disaster, the Chief Constable asked "Well who the bloody hell
is it then?" Sheepishly, Bodwen replied "I'm not exactly sure
yet sir, but the Pope's his driver".
This is a 100% genuine letter of apology to an LPWS member
following an "alleged" assault by this ex police office.
Sorry about the poor
quality! A re-scanned copy will appear here just as soon
as we remember where the "safe place" is we put the original!
[Still can't find it, must be in a really safe place!]
a packet radio station for a while, although he did so with no
security. Here is an actual and NOT fabricated message that was left
on his TNC addressed to ALL:-
It is a simple
matter to do this, just change your call-sign to G0MAL, connect
to G0MAL via a node (to prevent a clash of signals as 2 TNC's
will not operate on the same frequency at the same time). Hit S
and address the message to ALL, and send. This is a genuine
printout, scanned and uploaded with the original grammatical
error! Well done the perpetrator!
Reports have reached us that this man has decided to donate
his body to medical science upon his death. We understand that the B.M.A. are
to contest the will.
PLUS We are informed by email, that W.M.Bodwen is an "associate" member of The Mile High Club.
Apparently he had a wank in the toilet on the way to Spain in a 737!
Sgt. 3116 Bodwen
Question 46:- If you
could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?
His answer :-
The living one!
a previous small grammatical error, we referred to this
"character" as a UNIFORMED POLICE OFFICER, we are sorry, that should have read "
UNINFORMED" POLICE OFFICER, we wish to apologise for any distress or
confusion caused by the omission
of the "N".
the "Rumour Mill" and therefore unconfirmed...........
We have received reports that his West Midlands
Police pension cheque arrived early last month, and the silly old sod
decided to treat himself with a visit to a massage parlour in nearby
After selecting an attractive Asian teenager, the old buffoon had a
relaxing session of massage and therapeutic treatment. After almost an
hour, the young girl asked him if he would like “Super Sex”, true to
form the old cunt replied :-
“If it’s all the same to you, I’ll
just have the soup”
He spent 3 months doing a 10,000 piece jigsaw of a
chicken. only to find out later that it was a box of cornflakes!
Here is an interesting item that was found on GB7PZT
packet BBS in
1995, however the U in CUNT was replaced by an *!
Minister resists pressure to slaughter R.S.G.B. Limited members
In a surprising move last week, The Radio Society of Great Britain
Limited, officially acknowledged the existence of the so called "MAD
CUNT DISEASE" Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy, which is now
scientifically linked to it's human equivalent
Veterinary experts from across Europe have called for stricter curbs
on the election of R.S.G.B.Ltd. committee members "I accept there may
be some hazard, but I believe the risk can be reduced to a minimum by
selecting candidates no older than 45 years of age" biologist
Dr.Graham Medley of Warwick University assured amateurs, "I urge those
in the hobby not to panic, and await the findings of the 13
independent scientists appointed by the government" he added.
Trade and Industry secretary, Ian Laing, rejected claims that a
selected slaughter of Radio Amateurs was the answer, "I accept that
members of the public are becoming increasingly concerned, but at
present we have no scientific facts to link "MAD CUNT DISEASE" to the
more senior bitter and twisted members of the amateur radio
Fear of "MAD CUNT DISEASE" spread like wildfire when it became widely
known that the more socially inadequate and deranged amateurs went out
of their way to 'associate' with children. Schoolteachers across the
country have unknowingly assisted elderly carriers of "MAD CUNT
DISEASE" to indoctrinate youngsters and expose them to potentially
dangerous amounts of the Creutzfeldt-Jackob-Bodwen spores whilst
assuming their charges were receiving harmless instruction in novice
"Nobody knows for sure the actual rate of infection, but to be on the
safe side it is recommended that no contact is made with any "A" class
licencee or more importantly any R.S.G.B.Ltd. member until more is
known about the epidemic" a DTI spokesperson read from an official
statement, "International contacts are known to be disease free, so
there is no fear of infection from DX-ing, but we believe that due to
the slow incubation, many U.K. amateurs may already be carrying the
disease. No evidence exists that data transmissions can transfer the
pathogen, but until more details of this outbreak are known, we
strongly advise that no contact is made at all with any R.S.G.B.Ltd.
member at all".
Efforts to reassure amateurs in Germany, France, Finland, Greece, and
Italy have been fruitless as panic has spread, and fear of contracting
what has become known as the R.S.G.B. disease have almost isolated an
already dwindling number of spineless and ineffectual hermits that
characteristically inhabit potting sheds. Carriers of "MAD CUNT
DISEASE" can be identified by the prominent bald spot, large stomach,
and food stained home knitted cardigan or jumper with the badly
embroidered call sign that has become almost a uniform for this aged
and lamentable decreasing minority that has seen its numbers decimated
in recent years by their almost fanatical attempts to keep their hobby
shrouded in mystique.
In London's Tottenham Court Road this week, shops were deserted
following the announcement that scientists had linked "MAD BODWEN
DISEASE" to humans. Retailers reported an almost 90% drop in equipment
sales and feared that the collapsed market for amateur radio equipment
may never recover "I blame Hestletine for the cover-up" said disgraced
ex-police Sergeant 3116 William Malcolm Bodwen when interviewed at his
106 Manor Lane, Halesowen, hideout, "flim-flam-flob-a-dob - I'm a
teapot" he added, "I'm just glad not to be affected myself!" he then
turned away and, standing on one leg, continued eating his bicycle.
William Malcolm Bodwen (G0MAL) is 64.
This page brought to you by
the LPWS Back-Up team, guaranteed to get your back up!
Answer: Because he's totally useless, but fun to watch falling down the stairs!